Friday, 22 May 2009

Quilted Velvet My Arse

I think Soilman has already summed up the "wank tank horror show" that is Chelsea Flower Show as well as anyone so I shan't try to better his description.

I've come to expect a dizzying assault of corporate greenwashing from Chelsea but the prize this year must surely go to the Quilted Velvet garden. If manufacturers SCA had their way you'd be wetting yourself over their green credentials. In fact nothing could be further from the truth. Making toilet paper from virgin wood uses massive amounts of energy; the pulping process uses tons of chlorine and other toxic chemicals. Quilted paper is especially damaging to the environment but bizarrely this is one area of the market which is growing. Which is no doubt why SCA are sponsoring no less than three gardens at RHS shows this summer, so be prepared for even more of this crap.

So this weeks corporate slut award goes to designer Tony Smith. You're on the list sunshine.

The garden was pretty naff too.


Arabella Sock said...

Ha ha ha! You are so refreshing Simon!

emmat said...

I read an article about a year ago saying that the new trends for thicker toilet paper meant that Dynorod's business was up a considerable percentage. I think it's horrible, I find the whole idea of wiping my arse on something quilted a bit freaky. The Coop's finest for me, I'm afraid.

emmat said...

`Your links are completely fascinating by the way. How can Americans use three times the toilet paper we do? Is it because they lay it on the seat too? And do I really want to spend my sunny saturday morning thinking about this???

Arabella Sock said...

My family used to have to have that hard Izal bog paper that you used to get in school and public lavs. My mum said it was because Dad preferred it but I suspect it was because it was cheap. So anything softer than that is a bonus - and we can't have that stuff coated in aloe vera or whatever because it makes the Bedsock's bum itch.

I guess people don't want to spend their Saturday thinking about that either - I certainly didn't!

Simon said...

Thanks for your comments ladies; I thought I'd scared everyone off with my raving anarchist rants (more raving than anarchist if you believe what my kids say but what do they know). And don't get me started on Americans..